Broken Cistern | I miss her
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I miss her

There’s no other words that can say it really. She’s missing from my life. Tonight browsing through some of our photo albums. We look so happy. We look so ‘together.’ And it’s my sin that’s ripped those memories apart.

6 weeks now of healing / purging space. I’m thinking about her so much more. And a part of me is missing. It’s painful. I wonder if she thinks about me, despite the hurt and the pain.

I was reminded this week of the verse of separation that makes me have peace. Even though my wife is far away, God is watching between us.

The LORD watch between me and you, when we are absent one from another.

Genesis 31.49

I can only imagine how hard it is for my wife. But if I was with her right now I’d point to to Psalm 46:5

“God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.”

And that applies to me too. God is our constant source of help. And right now, I don’t know what to do, what to think or what to say. I miss my girl.

She is so beautiful. And I smile whenever I think about her thick brown hair. And her exotic eyes and cute smile. God gave me her. And this time of separation, God is really helping me treasure what I have lost. It’s so painful. I miss holding her hand. I don’t miss my sin or the selfishness. I simply didn’t know how much I was doing wrong until now. This space apart has been so good for us, but I’m praying that God works in my heart further.

I wish I knew how to make things better, small bit by bit. I’m not walking on a bed of roses, I’m walking on broken glass.

But after trading beauty for ashes, it’s time to turn back to the beauty, should God give me the ability. If he can restore my soul and restore my job, then He can restore my heart. I’ve been seeking everything else other than His kingdom. Time to change.