08 Mar I’ve lost my identity
No matter how Spiritual I feel, or how close to God, it doesn’t hide the fact I am separated from my wife. This fact breaks me. And that reality shakes me to the core.
I am so used to having my beautiful wife by my side. And all I can say is that I am patiently waiting for reconciliation. I’ve done so much wrong, and I must confess.
Although my identity is in Christ, there is a human aspect. God is my 1, and my wife is my 2. And I feel incomplete without her by my side.
In my brokenness, I want to heal. I want to kneel down and beg for forgiveness. I have no expectations or demands. Just a simple request to be heard. And even if forgiveness takes years, I still want to ask for forgiveness. I want to confess. And reconciliation is still on my mind.
I pray for my wive’s broken and hurt heart, that God would create the opportunity where she will hear and accept my confession. I pray that God would use that to take her further along the healing process. I pray she may get a sense of the immense work God is doing in my heart. I pray that she will know the authenticity in that.
I love her. I have lost her. I will love her again. I will hold her again.
God be glorified!
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.Romans 8:28
One thing is certainly true, I can never be a little boy at home again. I’m feeling so low, depressed whilst visiting my family. Main reason is that I am alone, and normally would have my wife with me. The other reason is that it’s apparent to me is that I have left home. It is unnatural for me to ‘be home’ because it is no longer my home. Don’t get me wrong, seeing my family is great, but what about my own family? What about my actual home?
Although it’s in disrepair through separation, it’s so vital that I rebuild my home. As a husband, I have left my Father & Mother and have been joined to my wife. “Let man not separate what God has joined together.” I am certain of this, no amount of sin can separate me from my life-long marriage covenant.
And by God’s power, I’ll be able to fully repent and my wife will be able to full forgive – miracles of God’s grace. In His timing, I pray this would be a reality.