Broken Cistern | New heart = new desires
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New heart = new desires

I’ve never done this. The following 2 days was not me. Both days I read the word, prayed and work with an appetite like no other. So much scripture. Wow! I also remained pure.

I highlighted book after book, read Proverbs and listened to sermons. Supernatural work.

I half-expected God to be on the fringe and for me to wallow in self-pity. Instead I clung to God and dove deep into what it means to be holy.

My pastor continued to preach through Ephesians 6 and shocked me with a scary thought. If we continue with an undying love for the saviour, is it possible we can lose it? He cross-referenced Revelation 2:

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.

During this weekend I also read Running from Mercy and the Prodigal Prophet which talks about the storms that Jonah faced. These storms are from God which broke Jonah and turned him into a repenter.

“…every act of disobedience to God has a storm attached to it.”

Tim Keller

The prophet resembles me so much. My disobedience, addictions to pornography and being unfaithful to my wife all have caused this storm in my life. It’s discipline that I was facing. But the big encouragement from that is that God loves those whom he disciplines. God is breaking me. I feel blessed for God’s chastening – it genuinely felt good like taking a scorching shower. I didn’t feel in control, but felt God’s warmth as God carried me through that weekend.

God showed me areas of my life that area still dark. And so it isn’t just pornography, impurity or masturbation… it’s every area that’s affected by sin. I felt so convicted.

I had such a clear vision of walking in the the Spirit. Being in the storm or being exiled actually is how God is breaking me and leading me to him. Wow.

Thought about the wonderful promise of Colossians 1:22:

“He has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.”

And with that theme of accusation it reminded me of Joshua the priest described in Zechariah how he felt totally filthy in God’s presence with Satan pointing the finger. I also spent that weekend head drooped thinking of the things I had done to run away from God, yet in the passage of Zechariah, Jesus takes away the filthy rags away and replaces it with clean clothes & turban. It’s absolutely stunning that God is dealing with me.

Although I’m still unaware of the full extent of the sin, I still feel God was intimately doing the grand tour of my life. I felt that scourge of His holiness, but in a loving way. So undeserving.