Broken Cistern | Pancakes won’t solve it
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Pancakes won’t solve it

Today was difficult. Both of us were stuck on what to do. Does she stay, do we stay together? Do we try and fix it or just have some space?

I didn’t quite realise the depth of my wife’s hurt. And I suppose that weekend I tried to tiptoe around her. It must have been hard for her – going on a long drive one minute being encouraged by good things I was saying – and then the next minute being sensitive and overcome by hurt and flashbacks of my sin. Pancakes & long drives didn’t solve it.

Sunday was better, sermon was on the armour of God. I couldn’t sing in church though. And didn’t take communion. The sermon was excellent about prayer – and often we rely on our human abilities first – and then come to God. But God should be our confidence straight away.

In the counselling session, our pastor was helpful especially as she felt numb.

I really made an effort to serve her (foot massages). But it was like a bandaid plaster over a deep wound. It just got in the way.

Our counsellor also said to my wife that leaving me wouldn’t be good as I’m vulnerable.