14 Feb Take flight
I get home from work. My wife is standing there, quite intense with a laptop open. EasyJet website in front of her. “I’m going home.” I don’t know what to say. I Called my Pastor, and it ran past him. He was okay with it in principle, however he advised that she booked a return ticket.
“I might not come back”
We agreed we would rejoin a week later for our counselling session. I was devastated. But I was hoping to demonstrate renewed devotion for her, even though I probably knew I’d fail somehow.
I wrote her a letter to read in the departure lounge and bought her a valentines gift. Deep down I knew would mean nothing. “Did you steal this?” was her response. And that’s the man she was married to.
She needed space to heal from the hurt and process everything. And so she left.
Taking her to the airport was hard. But I dutifully walked her to the security gate and prepared myself for a week of work. I was genuinely excited to seek God, review books and read his word. But obviously, very confused.
I called my Dad, and let him know the situation. He gave me a burning phone call that was so needed – I had been so selfish! Whilst I was addicted to pornography, I had also defiled the marriage relationship. To quote the Intended for Pleasure book, I had ‘pornified’ the marriage bed which produced “a foul pollution to that which God intends to be pure and a rank selfishness to that which God intends to be selfless.”
- Marriage is not for self-gratification
- Christ gave himself up for His bride
- If sex is selfish, it will typically be dutiful and cold.
- Love is demonstrated in action.
All of those points my Dad made hit me to the core. I had pushed away my wife. And I was left alone.